changing rooms, stilettos and dresses
by pinkholyone
Summary: Just a funny take on what coula happen in the lives of Monica and John with Mulderr and Scully in some parts for good measure! CHAPTER 5 NOW UP PEOPLE
1. Default Chapter

Title: changing rooms, stilettos and dresses

Author: pinkholyone

'Oh come on Monica, just try it' Dana giggled while wheeling the push chair around the large store

'NO! I have already told you once that orange is not my colour!' Monica practically shouted causing a few heads to turn in their direction

'Ok no need to shout I was just trying to help' Dana whispered back

'I'm sorry its just I have been so stressed lately and really need something nice to wear for my birthday bash on Friday' Monica said in a dazed tone

'Ok well how about this?' Dana said holding up a simple black dress

'That's nice… ok come with me to the changing rooms' Monica was already wondering off in that direction

Monica had managed to slide the dress on but was having problems with the zipper

'Dana could you help me with this?' Monica said as she popped her head out of the curtain

Dana went behind the curtain leaving William in the pushchair just out side

'God this zip is a bit temperamental!' Dana exclaimed while trying the yank it up

Suddenly they heard loud male voices from out side

'STAND STILL!'

'How do you expect me to stand still while your hands are there!'

'Well you are the on who wanted to do this not me!'

'Well it was your idea I just went along with it'

'When I said maybe we should see what it looks like on I meant on a WOMAN!'

All the sudden there was a loud crash and the sound of a curtain ripping

'What is gong on here' a man shouted who both ladies presumed was the shop manager

'Umm… Well… umm.' Came a voice that both women recognized

'Dada' William screamed waving his arms about

At this they pulled the curtain back taking in the site before them

There on the floor in a big heap lay Mulder on his back with John on top of him, wearing the same black dress as Monica with matching stiletto heels

'John? What's going on here? What are you doing in a dress?' Monica said as she knelt down beside his to help him up

'Is everything ok here miss?' a concerned looking shop assistant asked

'Err yes I think so' she replied

Mulder got off the floor and took a step over to Dana who stood there giving him a strange look lifting an eyebrow as well

'Well you see… I wanted to get you something nice for your birthday… and Mulder thought it would be a good idea to see what it looked like on…'

'On a WOMAN!' Mulder defended while brushing dust off his shirt

'Well you didn't say that at the time! Why did you think I was picking a dress up this size… anyway I was going to give you the dress on Friday and ask you out for dinner but it looks like your already getting it now' John said looking sad

'Well how about you buy me the dress and get me those shoes in my size, then you can say you did it all when we go out to dinner' Monica asked

'Are you sure you want these shoes? Because they hurt like hell!' john moaned while hopping on one foot tying to pull one off

'Yes I'm sure now lets get you out of that dam dress' Monica giggled as she shoved him in another changing room

'You can sleep on the sofa tonight' Dana muttered as she moved slowly away from Mulder and over to William

THE END


	2. Chicken, Wine and broken heels

Title: Chicken, Wine and broken heels

Author: pinkholyone

The phone disturbed Monica from her reading on a nice Sunday morning

'Hello'

'Hey its me' Dana replied

'So I'm guessing you want to know how my date with john went last night?' Monica sighed sadly

'I sure do………. You seem down didn't things go well?' Dana was concerned now

'Well things didn't go too well but none of it was really John's fault things just happened' Dana had the feeling Monica was holding back

'Ok well how about you start from the beginning?' Dana grinned on the other and, she had already found out what had happened from John but wanted to hear it from Monica's point of view because she had the feeling John was leaving all the important bits out

'Ok well…'

SATERDAY 7PM

Monica heard a knock at her door and made her way over to open it but on the way propped the book she was carrying

'Hey I thought I'd let my self in' John greeted just as Monica had her back to him, she bent over to pick the book up and… rip her dress had split right up the middle showing off her embarrassing florescent yellow knickers which she had meant to change out of before he got there

'Oh my GOD!' she screamed shoving a hand to her back to try and keep the two pieces of material together

'Um do you need any help?' John had just managed to get his voice back but she had already ran off into her room

Five minutes later Monica appeared in a dress very similar to the on that had ripped

'Ok… I don't want to talk about what just happened lets just go before we miss our reservations' Monica sounded ticked off but John knew it was not at him

They arrived at the fancy restaurant on time, had been seated and had their food

Things were looking up Monica thought; nothing else had happened maybe things were looking up how wrong could she be!

'Hey Mon have I told you yet what nice breasts you have? I was wondering if I could pinch one?' John leaned over the table and wisped to her

Monica's eyebrows went up in shock but she soon recovered and threw her wine all over his face

'HOW DARE YOU!' she practically shouted

'I…I...I was talking about your CHICKIN breasts on your plate!' John defended wiping wine off his face and trying to dry his shirt at the same time looking very upset

'Oh John I'm so sorry! I thought you were talking about… Something else' Monica crouched down beside him trying to dry his shirt and hiding from the few heads that had turned in their direction

'No its ok I can see how you got confused can we just finish dinner please?' he just wanted to forget about the little incident

The rest of the time in the restraint went off without a hitch, and they made their way back to Monica's

'I'll walk you up' John said getting out and opening Monica's door for her

They climbed the stairs in silence, John stood in front of Monica as they reached her door way

'Well goodnight' John said leaning forward for a kiss they were just a breath away an then… crack Monica's heel had snapped sending her to the floor as she went down she reached out and grabbed John's pant leg yanking them down with her

At all the commotion and being a nosy neighbour the old lady next door poked her head out and took in the sight before her a man with his back to her with his pants at his ankles and a woman who she knew to be Monica on her knees in front of him

'WELL I NEVER!' she shouted in discus at what she thought was going on

'Oh no. It's not like that…. I slipped!' Monica's words fell on death ears as she tried to pull her self off the floor and John trying to get some dignity back by shoving his trousers in the right place again

'Well this has been an interesting evening' John muttered looking at the floor

'Look john I'm really sorry' Monica placed a hand on his arm

'It's ok I think I should just go, I'll call you tomorrow ok?' he dint give her a chance to reply as he hurried down the stairs

BACK TO THE PHONE CALL

'That's all so… Funny!' Dana was practically on the floor laughing

'I'm so glad I could be your source of entertainment!' Monica said with a grin

'So has he called you yet?' Dana asked after composing her self

'Yes and we are going out for dinner tomorrow night after work' Monica smiled and hoped things would go better this time

'Ok well I'll talk to you tomorrow then bye'

'Bye' Monica placed the phone back on its hook and carried on her reading

TBC


	3. Tarantulas, Bees and nosy neighbours

Title: Tarantulas, Bees and nosy neighbours

Author: pinkholyone

'Mmm this is nice' Monica said as she snuggled deeper into Johns embrace

After their disasters first date the two had thought it would be a good idea to stay in and watch a movie, John had chosen White Noise a scary film (only because he thought she would cuddle up to him at the jumpy buts!). so now they had been watching the film for over an hour John was squished in the left corner with Monica right virtually on top of him but he wasn't complaining.

'Ye it is' he took a deep breath smelling her hair

The film had just got to its worst but, the noises were loud any moment now…'BANG BANG BANG' they both jumped back on the couch, Monica screamed and the couch went with them Monica's foot caught the coffee table sending magazines, chocolates and wine everywhere

'Uh I'll get it why don't you clear up?' Monica picked her self off the floor and went to get the front door

She swung it open to reveal Mrs Smith the elderly woman who had seen their previous 'incident'

'Oh hello dear is every thing ok? I just popped by to ask if you had seen a tarantula?' Mrs Smith already had her head in the doorway peeking around at the mess with raised eyebrows.

'Tarantula?' Monica asked looking down at the floor with a scared look on her face

'Yes dear, I have my grandson staying and he seems to have… um…well miss placed it' she answered in an apologetic tone

'No…no I haven't seen one but if I do I'll be sure to let you know' Monica was already closing the door on her eager to get back to John

'Sorry about her you know how nosy she is, I doubt there even is a tarantula she just wants to know what I'm up to' Monica bent down to pick up the chocolates while John mopped the wooden floor

'It's ok, its getting kind of late any way maybe I should go?' he said setting the map back and going to his coat

'Oh do you have to? Its only 9.30…. well why don't you stay the night?' Monica had her hands on the collar of his shirt and was talking in a seductive voice

'Hum I think I will just do that' John was already pulling her toward the bedroom

NEXT MORNING

Monica woke as the sunlight streamed violently through the open curtains and to the ticklish feeling going up her leg

'Umm that feels nice' she said not yet opening her eyes

'What?' came the distant voice of John obviously in another room

With that her eyes darted open and she slowly lifted the covers to reveal a MASSIVE tarantula making its way past her knee, no woman has ever screamed louder than Monica did then she sprang from the bed causing the poor creature to lose its hold and bounce in the bed

'What's going on' John came speeding into the room and skidded to a stop when he saw what was on the bed but his face went white as a sheet when he saw what was out the window, there on a Crain at the exact height and distance to have a perfect view in to Monica's bed room window was a cable guy with the biggest grin in the world at seeing Monica's nakedness

Seeing John's attention was diverted out the window she spun around to come face to face with the extremely happy cable guy

'Oh NO!' she muttered as she ran into the bath room

Half an hour later things had calmed down and the tarantula was in its proper home

'God what is going on with us lately?' Monica's face was in her hands and John was stroking her hair as they sat on the couch

'Don't worry things will be ok, I just have to nip out for a bit will you be ok?' Monica only nodded in response

10 minutes later there was a knock at the door, now fully dressed Monica rushed to the door knowing who it would be

'Hey I was wondering where you were….' She stopped when she had a bunch of red roses in her face 'Oh John there beautiful' she said leaning in to take a whiff but as she did so she aggravated an angry bee that had been sleeping in there causing it to come to life, Monica sprang back in surprise but soon started running around her apartment waving her hands frantically in the air to try and get rid of it.

'Don't panic! Don't panic' John said chasing after her and the angry bee but Monica did not see the bit of rug sticking up and went head over heels her shirt getting caught on the way and popped straight open and John laded on top of her so they were chest to chest and with all the fuss the bee had lost interest and flown out of the window.

'Oh this day couldn't get much worse' Monica muttered

'Err are we interrupting anything?' both heads wiped to the open door way seeing Dana, Mulder, Skinner and Brad standing there two with grins and two with open mouths.

'This is not what it looks like' John said while helping Monica up, but she didn't not look pleased at his words

'So your saying you wouldn't ever want to be with me?' she said teary eyed, she spun round and went straight into the bedroom

'I'll go after her' Dana said making her way though the small apartment

'Hey what's wrong?' Dana looked concerned as she sat her self on the bed next to Monica

Monica sniffed, stood up and had her back to Dana 'Its just… nothings going right and..' she stopped when she heard giggling 'Oh so you think this is funny do you?' she was angry now

'No not at all its just you have a post it on you ass saying 'PROPERTY OF JOHN DOGGETT' it must have come off the folder on the floor our there' Dana said peeling it off and waving it in front of Monica

'Oh I HOPE this day gets better' she muttered 'can you ask John to come in please?'

'Sure' Dana headed out the door and was soon replaced by John

'Hey' he greeted and Monica ran to his arms 'I'm sorry' she said against his shoulder

'It's ok I'd forgive you for anything' he held her tighter 'how about we go out there and tell them that the roomers are true? And they ARE interrupting' he tugged her back into the living room area holding onto her hand tight

TBC


	4. Cupboards, Trampolines and Spindles

Title: Cupboards, Trampolines and Spindles

Hi I'm so sorry for the other version of this, I did it late last night and missed some bits!

Author: Pinkholyone

John padded through the kitchen over to the empty coffee pot and began to prepare it for his morning coffee. Out of the corner of his eye he saw a fast movement quickly turning and facing a very angry, ugly looking rat with its teeth showing at this John dropped the mug he was holding smashing it on the floor but the sound of the mug was drowned out by Johns very feminine scream. Soon all hell was loose and john was running as fast as he could away from the screeching animal, soon he found himself in his second bedroom, which he used as a storage room. John had no time to think so made a mad dash for one of the cupboard not realising that it would automatically lock if he went in there.

THE HOUSE NEXT DOOR

Mr Dye Johns next door neighbour head loud screams that sounded like a woman coming from the house next to his, he moved as fast as he could to the phone and dialled 911

'Hello yes I can heard screams coming from my neighbours house, I always knew there was something round with that mad and the strange people he associated with!'

'Oh please hurry who knows what he's up to!'

Not 10 minutes later John heard his front door being bashed open

'Mr Doggett we know you're in here'

'I'm up here' he shouted placing his mouth to the opening of the cupboard doors and leaning on them

Next thing he knew the door was being opened and he fell flat on his face.

All the people in the room gasped at the sight before them, there was John Doggett, FBI agent……….. In women's black lace knickers and face full of make up

'What?' John asked at the looks on their faces

'Umm Mr Doggett maybe you should look in the mirror and you might want to change into something a little less… revealing' at this John looked down and went bright red

'I'm so gunna get her back for this' he whispered to himself

DANA SCULLYS APARTMENT BULIDING 4AM

' I so cannnnt belieeeve we jus' did that' Dana slurred as she hung onto Monica as much as Monica hung onto her in order to walk

'Ye' I knooow, wait til' he wakesss up' Monica practically shouted as the stumbled up the stairs, for some reason they thought it would be better to take the stairs than the elevator

'heyyy I bet ya $20 I can fit my headdd between the spindlessss on these stairs' Monica had a wicked grin on her face

'YOUR ON' Dana plopped her self down waiting expectantly for Monica to push her head through.

Two minutes later Monica was screaming as Dana tried to yank her head out

'Ahhhhhh No please stop! Call the fire… people whateverrr there called just please get me outttt' Dana had already started dialling and the people on the other end were having a hard time understanding her with the face that she was laughing her head off and everything she said was slurred

NEXT DAY- DOGGET'S HOUSE

'Oh shut up John, I'd like to see you do something adventurous like Dana and I did!' Monica said while nursing a mug of coffee

'So getting drunk and having a fireman saw you out of a staircase!' John had the biggest grin in history

'You still could do nothing near as spontaneous as that' she got up and kissed him affectionately 'but I love you any way'

3 DAY'S LATER

'John what's the big emergency?' Mulder asked as he came in pushing William in a stroller

'Well Monica told me I'm not 'spontaneous' enough' John said leading him though the house toward the back yard

'Yes and what do...' Mulder stopped what he was saying when he saw what was in the back yard 'so you brought a trampoline?' you could tell behind the sarcasm Mulder was dying to have a go on it

'I have it on loan so what I'm going to do is video tape us on it to prove we are adventurous' he said while pressing record on the camera and jumping on the trampoline 'come on Mulder!'

Mulder needed no more encouragement and was on their in an instant leaving William by the camera to watch

5 minutes later they were having a 'I can jump higher than you' contest and John was winning JUST, then Mulder put all his force into his jump but a gust of wind caught him sending him crashing into Mr Dye's yard and wedging himself in an open trashcan

HOSPITAL

Mulder had just finished getting the small cut on his head stitched up and smelt very strongly of cat food and was getting strange looks.

Dana and Monica burst in out of breath from running

'Is everything ok what happened' Monica was fussing over John

'Yes everything's fine! It's just a little cut that's all' Mulder hissed as Dana taped his stitches

'Ok well you can tell us all about it on the way home?' Monica stroked John's hair affectionately

'Ok well it all started when you said I wasn't 'spontaneous.'

TBC


	5. Britney, Superglue and College

Title: Britney, Superglue and College

Author: Pinkholyone

**Authors notes: I'm still new at the writing, although I'm a teenager go easy on me but I'd like to hear your pointers on this story. **

Monica, John, Dana and Mulder all sat around a large square table at an expensive restaurant, all were dressed to impress. The ladies had very nice but simple dresses on and the men had sharp suits.

"So what are you going to order?" John asked as he glanced at the menu "I think I'm going to avoid the chicken breasts" he turned and winked at Monica who went bright red and held the menu higher trying to hide.

"I think I'll go for the biggest steak they have" Mulder said with a big grin.

"I'm going for mahi-mahi" Dana answered placing her menu on the table and smiling sweetly at Mulder.

"Ok well I'm guna' have a steak too so that just leaves you Mon?" John turned to her waiting for her to decide.

"Um I'll have a medium steak," Monica said after a moment's hesitation.

Ten minutes later they'd ordered; their food had come in record time. All were happily digging in to their plates when Mulder jumped from his seat sending everything on the table flying. He'd accidentally tucked the corner of the tablecloth into his pants, confusing it with his napkin, as they were both the same color. Food went everywhere, some on the floor, but most ended up on Dana and Monica. Monica, Dana and John just sat there for a minute in shock; Dana was the first to speak.

"WHAT the hell did you do that for?" Dana said as loud as she could but trying not to attract any more attention.

"Look it's Britney Spears!" Mulder whispered excitedly as he pointed to the next table where the star was sitting.

"God if I didn't love you so much I'd hate you!" She paused as she looked down at her dress. "This is a brand new DRESS… come on Monica lets go get cleaned up" Dana spoke with anger. The girls stood up and walked in the direction of the bathrooms.

John still sat there for a minute before he leaned over the table and said, "Where's Britney?"

Mulder tilted his head in her direction and John stood up and casually moved around the table to get a better look trying not to be too obvious. He decided he wanted a better look so moved round the table to the side next to her table and stood about 3 foot away but slipped on some mahi-mahi that was on the floor and skidded around lading in the pop star's soup causing her to scream with fright and two big body guards to appear out of no where.

"Sir what do you think you are doing" the extremely well built man asked pulling John off the table in one swift movement.

"I…. I slipped on the mahi-mahi" John said pointing to the floor.

"Bob they have been creeping me out all night, I think their stalkers or something. That spooky one there kept staring at me!" Britney exclaimed pointing harshly at poor Mulder who was now examining his shoes.

"Sirs will you please come with us?" another well-built man asked.

The two bodyguards escorted Mulder and John out of the restaurant and told them to wait there until the cops arrived to question them. The two men sat down on the curb in defeat.

MEAN WHILE IN THE TOILET

"God I cant believe Mulder!" Dana was now shouting and pacing around with a damp dress on while Monica tried to scrub her dress clean.

"Yeah I know… can you help me with this tap I think its stuck" Monica said grimacing as she tried to turn the tap on, Dana came over and they both had hold of the tap trying with all their might to turn it then "BOOM" water started spraying everywhere and Dana held the tap in the hand now not attached to the sink.

"Oh no! This night could NOT get any worse" Monica yelled and tried to protect her self from the water but it was no use there was now a layer of water on the floor steadily raising. At hearing all the commotion and a loud band the restaurant manager came in and started screaming at them and telling them he was calling the cops and he wanted them out side right now so that they could sit with their "idiots" of boyfriends.

FOUR HOURS LATER- SKINNER'S HOME

Skinner was relaxing on the couch with a mud mask on and his feet in a footbath when his phone rang.

"Hello" Skinner answered.

"Hello is this AD Skinner with the FBI?" a female's voice spoke softly on the other end.

"Yes how can I help you?" Skinner sat up straight now letting his copy of sports today call to the floor.

"Well this is the local police department… we have four of you agents here and you are the person they wanted us to call, if you would like to come down we could discuss their release with you" she said.

"I'll be right there" Skinner didn't waste and time and cleaned himself up quickly preparing him self for the craziness that was to come.

After one hour of explanations and misunderstandings being told all four agents were set free.

"Look I don't want to talk about you behaviour I will keep it quiet to save us all some embarrassment" Skinner's voice was stern with that said he strode off to his car and drove away.

"Dana I'm so sorry please forgive me" Mulder begged grabbing onto her arm and tugging her to face him.

"I'm not mad…just disappointed but what's don't is done now lets get home" Dana answered and unlocked their car.

"See you Monday" Monica said glancing back at them and walking hand in hand with John to where their car was parked.

"Look Mon there's summit I have been wanting to ask you… I was wondering if you…. wanted to move in with me?" John said looking straight into Monica's eyes.

"I would love to!" Monica squealed and clung to John in a fierce hug.

TWO DAYS LATER

John and Monica were now unpacking the last of Monica's stuff when John came across her old college yearbook. As he flicked through he caught sight of a younger looking Monica as head cheerleader with what looked to be a younger Brad Follmer next to her with a lipstick kiss mark on the corner of his mouth, Johns smiling face soon turned to anger.

"Why didn't you tell me you went to College with Brad?" John said accusingly at Monica who was sat on the couch flicking though a photo album.

"Because I didn't think it would bother you… but obviously it does" Monica got off the couch and strode over to him stroking his cheek.

"I'm not jealous I would have just liked to have known that's all" John gave her a small tender kiss before putting the yearbook down and moving on to other things.

MONDAY MORNING

"Say Mon I was wondering if you would like to pop up to Follmers office with me" John said with a grin on his face.

"Sure" Monica answered with a funny look on her face.

As the elevator doors opened to Follmers floor they came face to face with a bright red Brad who had no pants or boxers on and two files covering front and back.

"The old super glue on the chair trick" John whispered in Monica's ear causing her to gasp and turn to him as Brad ran off in another direction with people pointing and laughing at him.

"You did that?" Monica pointed in the direction Brad had run off.

"Yep… well I had to get him back for having my girl in College and what better way to do it than an old College trick" John put his arms around Monica and the elevator doors slid closed.

TBC.


End file.
